I’m personally honored to be able to be here to thank you because to me, you represent the military spouses who have helped me along my own journey over the past 20 years.

The military lifestyle doesn’t come easily to most people. Many, many years ago, we were at our first operational base in Wichita, KS when my husband left for his first deployment. As a new wife and a new mom, I found myself thousands of miles away from my family in DC and absolutely clueless about the military lifestyle. TDY, DEERS, TRICARE, MTF and DFAS may as well have been Greek – they were all so foreign to me. We were also the newbies in an operational squadron going through our first deployment when everyone else was so much more experienced. Back then; I was essentially the girl without a clue. Thank goodness for the kindness of two friends took me under their wing. I will be forever indebted to Wendy Diessner and Carol Smith.

Maybe it was the aura of desperation wafting off me at the squadron spouses’ meeting, but I think they sensed that I was a lost soul and adopted me. Every time my toddler had me pulling my hair out, they’d show up with their broods in tow and we’d be off to the McDonald’s play area or the Jumpy place. When we found out the squadron had been extended for another couple of weeks, we commiserated together. And when I was having a particularly rough night, they thought nothing about a 3 am call because they’d heard the news too and they were up anyway. Holidays were spent together, we were never alone if we didn’t want to be and I will be eternally grateful to them for their friendship and the lessons they taught me. Over the next three years, we made it through that deployment and so many more.

Fast forward over 10 years later. Our son was in school full time and after two back to back overseas assignments, we were finally back in the states and I could think about starting my career. But, a lot of time had passed since I’d finished school, so I had no idea where to start. Enter another fantastic military spouse, my mentor, Dr. Janet Breslin-Smith. Janet taught me how to network my way to a dream job with a military non-profit and how to navigate DC culture. Again, when I found myself lost, it was another military spouse who came to the rescue.

Maybe it’s because my husband is getting close to retirement and that unlike many of you, our PCS’s and deployments are likely behind us; but getting ready for this luncheon, I wondered what I would tell my 22 year old self about living well within the military lifestyle and this is what I came up:

* Seek out mentors along the way.
* Be aware of your resources and benefits – if you don’t use them, they will go away.
* Stay aware of what’s going on around military benefits and give feedback when asked.
* Find a battle buddy.  They will help guide you through this lifestyle and keep you sane.
* Take it easy on yourself.  Everyone handles a deployment or a TDY differently.  There is no right or wrong way.  Deployments and the lifestyle are not always easy, and we all falter at some point.
* Mentor other spouses along the way.
* Get involved.  Show up.  Like networking for work, the time to meet the other folks in the squadron isn’t when you need something from them.
* Your family and civilian friends are great, but other military spouses are the ones who will understand exactly what you’re going through because they’re in the exact same boat.
* You are not in this alone.  Other military spouses will be your best friends, resources and advocates.

Twenty years into this lifestyle and I remain in awe of my fellow military spouses.

* For many people, the constant moving would discourage them from connecting with the local community; for the military spouse, the opposite is true. Adversity just makes you stronger.  What some people view as obstacles, you take on as challenges to be overcome. With only eighteen months to three years at most duty stations, you view it as a limited time to make friends and leave a mark on the community. You jump in wholeheartedly into the PTA, church and community. Every once in a while, you may glance at the diplomas on the wall and wonder what if.  Then reality comes crashing in and you realize that you are the only constant for your children while mom or dad is deployed or remote, and you remain steadfast in your conviction that you are doing the right thing.

You come from diverse backgrounds, but the one thing you have in common is your unfailing support of your military husband or wife and the mission of the United States military. The husbands and wives of all our men and women in uniform worldwide deserve our thanks. We salute your strength, patriotism and support. You make the mission possible.

* This section is borrowed liberally from a piece I wrote a few years ago.

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“Today, I’m proud to announce that for the first time ever, supporting the well-being of our military families will be a priority not just for the Department of Defense and the Department of Veterans Affairs, but all across the federal government. ” President Barack Obama (1/24/11)

Earlier today, representatives from leading organizations supporting servicemembers and their families as well as military family members joined President Obama; First Lady Michelle Obama; Dr. Jill Biden; Cabinet Secretaries; Congressmen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Mrs. Mullen, Joint Chiefs of Staff and their spouses as well General McKinley and other representatives from the National Guard and Reserve for the release of the report, “Strengthening Our Military Families: Meeting America’s Commitment”.  The report details 50 commitments from different federal agencies around issues affecting military families centering around 4 key priorities:

1. Enhance the well-being and psychological health of the military family.
2. Ensure excellence in military children’s education and their development.
3. Develop career and educational opportunities for military spouses.
4. Increase child care availability and quality for the Armed Forces.

Looking around at the people in the audience, it was a bit awesome. To understand why….rewind back a few months…..to last July when I was among a group of military spouses invited in to hear about the initiatives going on at all the different agencies to support servicemembers and their families.  It was an extraordinary opportunity to hear about the breadth of programs that exist from senior level representatives and to provide our feedback and additional insights on challenges and opportunities.  Now back to today….reading the report, it was apparent that they listened to us (for the most part).  From the thoughtful remarks to the document itself, it’s obvious that the feedback they received from our group as well as others in the field helped shape the initiative.  I think in the past it’s been too easy to relegate military family issues to the DoD or VA when the reality is that military family issues are everyone’s issues.  It was gratifying to to see all the cabinet secretaries in attendance; their presence spoke volumes about their commitment to the cause.  Even the biggest skeptics among us have to recognize the power of bringing together all these federal agencies with the single purpose of making sure supporting military families rises toward the top of their priority lists.  It was even more exciting to read the report and see how their commitment is being manifested into working collaboratively across stovepipes on behalf of military families:

• The Department of Education will make supporting military families one of its supplemental priorities for its discretionary grant programs.
• The Department of Defense in coordination with the Council of State Governments will pursue the complete development of the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children.
• In order to encourage quality reintegration time, Education and DoD will provide guidance to school districts on best practices for approving “block leave”.
• Department of the Interior, one of the largest Federal employers of youth ages 15-25 in conservation, will partner with DoD to identify military youth for employment opportunities.
• Department of Labor and the Department of Commerce will educate corporate America on the benefits of hiring from the military and encourage them to hire more military spouses. *
  

These are just a small number of commitments outlined in the report.  Here is the full report.

However, government can only do so much…..

“One percent of Americans may be fighting our wars, but a hundred percent of Americans need to be supporting our troops and their families — a hundred percent.” President Barack Obama (1/24/11)

Businesses and other communities also play a huge role in the success of these programs.  But this is a conversation for another post….suffice it to say, exciting to watch the convergence of all the innovative efforts going on out there to better support military families.  My two cents about why today’s event was significant – in a nutshell, unprecedented support for military families across all the federal agencies.  Of course, being the natural skeptics that we are, military spouses will continue to wait and see what develops as a result of this directive, but today’s event was a good start.

* Excerpt from “Strengthening Our Military Families: Meeting America’s Commitment”

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Saying that caring for the loved ones of servicemembers should no longer be seen as the sole province of the two agencies most closely identified with the military, President Obama Monday laid out a what he said was a coordinated, comprehensive approach to improving the well-being of military families.

Sixteen agency heads have signed on to a plan to make supporting military families a priority across the government, Obama said in a White House ceremony. The agencies have made a total of 50 commitments that will pay special attention to the health, education and career opportunities of military spouses and children, he said.

This collaborative effort is the result of Presidential Study-9, which Obama in May 2010 directed the National Security Staff to develop a coordinated governmentwide approach to supporting military families. The 25-page report details what each agency committed to do. First Lady Michelle Obama and Second Lady Dr. Jill Biden have been leading the effort.

The agency commitments break down into four broad areas, the President said. They include well-being and psychological health, education for military children, career and education help for military spouses, and better, more accessible child care.

Obama said many of the programs that the agencies have committed to improving or expanding are not new, but the cabinet-level, governmentwide commitment to the issues is.

“In other words, we’re not simply reaffirming our responsibility to our military families, we are upping our game,” the President said. “In fact, these 16 members of my cabinet have signed their name to this report, pledging personally to see this through. And not only to fulfill these commitments, but to make sure that as we go forward our military families are being heard across the government. That’s what we’re looking for here.”

Nicole Alcorn, a military spouse who was at the White House for Monday’s event, said the signatures of the agency heads was not merely symbolic, but an indication that all sectors of the government would be-as the president put it Monday– “on the hook” for seeing to the welfare of military families.

“Its across-the-board accountability, their personal commitment and professional commitment,” said Alcorn, whose husband is a Navy explosives disposal expert, in an interview. “It’s very much that it takes a village, and when everybody takes a little bit of ownership, we become involved, there’s a sense of buy-in and responsibility.”

Sue Hoppin, another military spouse who founded the National Military Spouse Network and who also attended the White House event, said she was hopeful that the administration’s effort was the beginning of a long-term change in how the government as a whole approaches military family issues.

“This is the first time I think that they’ve approached it at this level,” she said. “There’s a recognition in America now that the responsibility for military families and servicemembers doesn’t just reside at VA or DoD. Our military children are in public schools. Our spouses certainly fall under the Department of Labor. There are interesting things going on at Health and Human Services to help wounded warriors. These agencies should really be talking and breaking down the stovepipes, and coordinating more of an effort at a federal level to support military families.”

Hoppin said new initiatives relating military spousal employment were some of the biggest breakthroughs. The Labor, Commerce and Defense departments, together with the Small Business Administration will help to market veterans and military spouses to private industry as job candidates.

“I’d be surprised if you met a (military) spouse who hasn’t had to write a financial plan for an organization or who hasn’t had to deal with a little PR campaign for a spouse group,” she said. “Just in everyday life, military spouses are gaining valuable experience that makes them very valuable employees.”

Another of the specific interagency commitments announced Monday brings together DoD and the Department Health and Human Services to address the psychological health of military families. Todd Bowers, a staff sergeant in the Marine Corps reserve said that was an area that deserved the government’s focus.

“I always tell people that I volunteered for my military service, and subsequently my deployments,” he said. “My family was drafted. That’s something that I don’t think the American public fully understands. The impact that this has is overwhelming for these families at times. Every time I’ve deployed-the four times I’ve deployed since 9/11-each time gets harder and harder for my family. So when I look at this, I’m going to try to put myself in their shoes, because each time that I’m leaving or I’m coming home, it’s not until I see their tears that I fully understand the impact of my choices and what it does to them.”

Bowers, who is also deputy director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, a servicemember advocacy group, agreed that it makes sense to have a governmentwide approach to services for military families. He said there were already a multitude of agencies involved in providing those services, but they have lacked a framework or a mandate to work together until now.

But Bowers said ensuring that the new commitments go beyond a one-day White House media event will take genuine commitment.

“Effective oversight. That is the best way to put it,” he said. “Both Congress and military advocates need to watch these things and make sure they get implemented in an effective manner. But I have a feeling based on the level of investment that was in that room today that this is going to be something that there’s going to be a lot of follow through on.”

Michelle Obama, the First Lady, emphasized Monday that the release of the report and the signatures of agency heads was not the final step. The President also promised a broader public outreach effort on military family issues. Later this week, Michelle Obama will appear on Oprah to make the case that all Americans should make efforts to support the families of servicemembers.

This story is part of Federal News Radio’s daily DoD Report. For more defense news, click here.

(Copyright 2010 by FederalNewsRadio.com. All Rights Reserved.)

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Read the Army Times article here.

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